I find love in a hopeless place

 

- I find love in a hopeless place -

Where do you turn when you feel down, when hope is needed, when your reserves are low, your spirit in need of a nourishment?
When your love of life is lacking...is there a book, a person,or a place that brings you comfort?
A thought or an outlook that keeps you strong, when maybe all around you feels hopeless.

 Rhianna's lyrics to her latest track, set me wondering about hope -
and how we find it through having love to hold to, when living in a harsh reality.
Or, as Oriah Mountain Dreamer puts it in her famous poem, "what sustains you from the inside when everything else falls away?"
 
It always seems to me that the news focuses on what we have to fear, and what it is that will get worse. Instead of helping us to see where we're going right and what we can hold onto to help us make it through to something better. Its when things are bad that your attitude, your focus of attention and your beliefs, matter the most.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

 At times lately I've been feeling so much sadness in my heart, sometimes I wonder, how its all contained there without breaking.
To express helps, but just as i cannot always cry when i need it, i also cannot always find a way to write about what I'm going through either.
It isn't always possible to sum something up and place it in the context of a post.
But the past few days i wrote some things down - to do with both finding hope and feeling hopeless, here's some of what i have been feeling.......

There are times I'm happy and things I'm so thankful about and that is what keeps me going. There are things I'm sad about and things i'm very worried about, and at times it all feels so hopeless. But mostly, i try not to let my mind think much on that, i stay as much as possible in the moment and the day to day, so that i don't feel too overwhelmed.

 I try to keep a balance in all of this and not be hard on myself if things arent the way i'd hoped. I have a habit of believing that all things within healing are possible, that in itself is how i keep hope but sometimes that means I have high expectations on myself and that can feel like pressure.

I have to both believe in my abilities and my hopes for a well future and yet not allow that to become too great a feat to achieve. I also need to be careful not to feel I'm letting people down or that I'm not letting any feelings of not being good enough drain me. Hope is a strange thing in that you can have too much of it, and that can lead to disappointment and yet too little and that too is not a good place from which to live.

Having hope as i see it, goes hand in hand with believing in yourself - and that is something so multi layered, that it stretches across many areas of your life. So to, believing in there being a reason to everything you're experiencing. Sometimes I need to remember though that despite all the supportive beliefs, and the hope, its ok to feel my feelings about the harsh reality and get upset about the despair of making steps forward only to be knocked down again. It can feel like bullying, it can feel so very hurtful and yet you have to pick yourself up carry on, seek the goodness.
So feel feelings, cry, feel down, but always take from the day the best of it, make a way that is as full of light as you can and be yourself in as many small ways as you can.

I share - I read - I continue to hope
I give - I receive - I continue to believe
I find - I feel - I continue to heal

I see as i'm writing, that I need to stop and appreciate myself, appreciate that though some outlooks feel like a necessity, they are still a choice that i make.
And that it takes courage to make those choices, to continue to believe and be optimistic and to feel the world as a good place to be.

 What would life be worth, if we didn't have love.
That to me is where hope springs from, that's what nourishes it.
The choices I've made in my outlook, in the healing I've journeyed through,
they've all brought me to where I am today.
Nothing, no moment of it, is ever wasted.
But none of it, none at all, would ever have been bearable without Love.

 My life is in my hands to an extent, but it is also about something greater than myself
of which I'm an inseparable part - Love.
Sensing this can either make us feel scared or supported, depending on our deeper belief in life.
I do my part and I trust in the timing and unfolding of the rest.
I trust it to Love.
In this I feel much less pressure and much less, like its down to me alone.
As this year closes, I am in a stronger position, I'm wiser, I'm more grounded
 and I'm still as in need of "a life more lived" as I ever have been.

                                            *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

 We carry within our hearts a great love, a compassionate presence
that encompasses us and is within everything.
I think it's that part of me, that supports me, that cherishes me and that makes it all possible. When i am quiet and still, and when i go within my deeper heart, i feel it... thats where the hope comes from, because it's where it was never lost.
If I'm in touch with that place in my self, then it communicates to me without words - that it is all alright, that I can trust, that I am safe and that it's somehow right to believe in dreams, in better times becoming real.

That's what dries tears.
That's how I find Love in a hopeless place. Or how it finds me.

Love Kathryn

Comments

[Eadaoin]

It's difficult to get that balance right, isn't it, to allow yourself enough time to feel despair and sadness as well as make sure to keep positive thoughts in mind. It's a tough battle, and understandable from someone in your position that you should struggle with that sometimes. I've been thinking similar things lately. You know Kathryn you're one of the bravest people I know, and perhaps you're not aware of what an inspiration you are to me. You live with a difficult illness that really makes you struggle at times, but your constant search for the lessons in your journey, for the beauty in the world and the love that so naturally emenates from your gorgeous online space are relentless and encouraging. I hope that you'll continue to feel that love and hope from deep inside your heart, it makes you who you are and is a light for others like me who admire you. I know that times have been tough for you this year, so sending lots of positive thoughts and healing light your way x

[Rebecca]

You write so beautifully and elements of this ring true for me, too. A little lost for words here, but I want to send you a warm hug. I'm sure there really is truth in dwelling on the things you mention, trusting that things will pan out at the right time and they will. And learning so much about ourselves and others in the process, which can lead to even more meaning and a better path to tread on. Learning to listen to one's heart and saying no when it's necessary. Lots of love to you, x

[Kat]

Ead
Thank you for the light the hope and the positive words you share.
It is a blessing to hear from you. I'm honoured that my journey has made a difference to you and it helps me to hear that my blog feels like a loving space to spend time upon.
You are so kind as to say those things you do about me, and to also take time to feel empathy for my situation. It is people like yourself who care about others journey's that truly make the world a brighter and mo beautiful place..
It is just still such an amazing thing to me that the web is their to share these things and to feel touched by people's kindness in return.
Thanks you once again for being in my world & for taking the time to do this message and more E,
Kathryn x

[Kat]

Dear Rebecca
Thanking you so much for your comment. I realise my deeper reflective posts come a little out the blue at times, amongst the everyday happenings.
But it is heartwarming to hear that you related to elements of what I wrote. I shared what I did to bring a balance to my posts, to show that things may not always be fine in my healing journey that I have struggles, and that I want to write truthfully about what supports me throughout them. I hope maybe then it helps others who too may be having a similar experience. Thank you for the hug, warmly received, &
Here's to smoother paths for us all to tread on, Kathryn x

[Chelsea Wilson]

It feels like a honor to read this.nto hear your deepest thought and feelings. I understand the tension to feel and be real but to hope and believe in something different to what we feel. I love that your posts and pictures are full of life and hope, despite your circumstances. If it weren't for posts like this you would not know you are struggling with something. My only addition to your words is God. My hope comes from Him. And He is deep within and brings strength, love and hope. It sounds like a lot muster on your own........pray you find healing and continue to find hope :) thank you for your openness. I love the web for this too.

[Naomi]

Dearest K, Thank you for sharing these painful and personal thoughts. I can relate to them completely. Finding the right balance of hope is such a difficult thing, and I too have often struggled with knowing how much to hold on to. Sometimes hope can be the most painful thing of all, even though we cannot live without it...

[Naomi]

...As you acknowledge, it is so important to allow yourself to be with the grief and not view it as any kind of failure. It can be hard to be kind to ourselves, but we owe ourselves that. 

I hope you can find peace within yourself as Christmas approaches. You are not alone, even if it feels that way at times. Many people love you, and are inspired by the beauty and wisdom you send out to the world. 

Love always, Naomi xxx

[Kat]

Hi Chelsea
Thank you for your lovely comment, i really appreciate it and your prayers & thoughts to me. Just to add, when I talk about Love or the Universe it is my way of referring to the energy of God. So yes that is very much a part of what sustains me. Wishing you a peaceful Christmas honey
Kat x

[Kat]

Naomi
I had hoped you would be able to see this post & I always appreciate your comments so much because I know you relate directly to so much of what I'm saying. There is throughout all life a kind of dance to do with balance and we are all seeking to get that right in so many areas I think. Hope being the one that is most prominent for us.
It is so valuable to me to hear back from people like yourself and to hopefully help each other through the writing & sharing of our inner thoughts. You are such a wonderful person to know & be friends with, your own hope and courage in adversity i respect and admire massively.
You are in my prayers and i am sending love, and angel hugs kat x

[Beth]

Kat, I found this post so moving. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us.
I felt very sad to hear how hard life is for you and I hope things get better soon. I completely understand (i really do) what you said about being really happy about some things but unhappy and worried about others. I have that too. I really feel there are better days to come for you my love, and i'm so glad to call you a friend. We must keep in touch.
Your blog is utterly beautiful :)
I hope you have a happy weekend, speak soon
Love Beth xxx

P.S. how slow is the post!? recorded delivery first class and it's still not arrived in two days. Grr. I hope it reaches you soon xxx

[Kat]

Beth,
Thank you for the support honey it's do good to hear, as I was a little apprehensive about this piece, just with it being so spiritual and personal to me. It makes all the difference when friends like you give me this feedback. It was just about being honest and allowing that expression to take me or whoever reads it where we need to. I hope my pieces of writing can somehow mean different things to different people depending on their own experiences and outlook. That's why when I write I put in pieces about myself but also seek to see how it would apply to others in different challenges in their own lives.
And yes definately we are going to keep in touch. And I know I keep looking for the photo & card I ordered from you to drop through the letterbox but it's not arrived, maybe I'm looking for it too much / you know that saying a watched kettle never boils and all that!
Love kat x

[Beth]

Hehe :) I know very much what you mean! Sometimes I feel that way about the post. The things I want the most take the longest to arrive! I hope the parcel arrives soon. There are some extras in there of course too! ;)

I think you're amazing and I think it is fantastic you sharing with so much honesty about your experience. I'm sure your posts of this nature help others so much too, and probably lots who don't comment for whatever reason. Speaking of other people, i'm seeing my friend Becky tomorrow and i'm going to tell her about your blog because I know she'll love it and relate to it :)

I really need to work on my blog. it's silly how long i've been taking to get it sorted out. And now i've sat down to do it and the computer screen is making my eyes hurt.oh dear!

Thank you ever so much for the advice about Frankie magazine too, I am going to order it definitely :)

Take care sweetie x

[Amanda]

I'm sitting here watching the snow fall and reading your post. Its so thoughtful and well, its made me stop and think. Not in a negative way, but about the simple joys, like the beauty of the snow against the red berries.

Take care.

[Michelle W]

{{Hugs}} Kat, I can relate to much of what you said. I identify with that struggle and at times it is hard to keep that flame of hope burning.. I do somewhere deep inside, but at times if you think too much about all the losses and things that seem hopeless, it can totally engulf you. Keeping that balance of hope, but yet acknowledging the truth or how things are, yet also looking for the positives, is a very difficult balance. XX
I hope you got my card too.:)

[Wolves At The Door]

Dearest Kat!!! Are there not miracles abound!!!??? Through my computer screen a million miles away from you I can see and sense the miracles that happen around you everyday. The universe tells me as I read your posts - this girl is blessed by Love, Hope and the miracle of a healing life. She one of the great wonders of this world because she knows that even though the wind can blow a harsh cold, it can also bring relief on a warm day, she knows to stay with hope even though she doesn't always feel it. I am going to stay more with my hope because people like you inspire me to Kat.

[Kat]

Thank you dear Beth, the parcel came today and is amazing - as I mentioned to you on Instagram it is full of light and wonder & I love it! Something will be on its way to you next week too hun.
Chat again soon, kat x

[Kat]

Amanda thank you, I'm so pleased to know my writing had an impact, and I appreciate your taking the time to comment in such a beautiful way
Luv kat x

[Kat]

Hi sweet Michelle
I know you will relate only too well to what I have written cause of your similar journey through illness and thanks hun for taking the time to comment. I hope very much next year is a good year for you. No card as yet but sure it'll b here shortly. Hope mine got to you, uk to Aus post seems to be taking extra long at the mo.
Peaceful wishes, kat x

[Kat]

Nadya,
You are so lovely, what an amazing way with words you have and I truly appreciate everything you've said. Though I am not a great wonder just a little flickering flame amongst so many. Your kindness is a wonderful quality and it was like an early Christmas gift to open and read your comment
Happy and peaceful blessings for this Christmas time
Kat x

[Julie]

beautiful kat - u trully r the sweetest person i know....your post made me happy & sad (only sad that u deserve so much more) & happy that u r a true treasure....someone that opens her heart & reaches out to so many people with such grace & light - u trully r an inspiration hon, that no matter what is going on in the world, no matter what is going on at home, hope conquers all - thank u for always reminding me of the most important things in life - love u with all my heart. xxx J

[Amy]

Thank you Kat for putting into words your feelings on hope, you honestly are a special & inspiring person. We need hope but, yes, it can at times bring its own turmoil & stress. I hope that next year is an easier one for you, for us all.... Much love xxx

[Amanda]

You really are such an inspirational woman... And you blog... my goodness, your blog is a work of art.

[Kathryn]

Dear J
Thank you SO much I'm so grateful to you for your compassion and your friendship across the sea. To have made such exceptional friends like you that in itself keeps my heart alight and my hope restored.
You're such an important part of my life even though we have never met in person. Love you lots too
Kat xox

[Kathryn]

Amy
I hope so for you too hunni
I know you understand how important hope is on a daily basis
Thank you for your praise and your friendship
You're bravery day to day is inspiring
Lotsa love kat xox

[Kathryn]

Amanda
Thank you for your lovely comment today.
It's such a help to hear positive feedback especially on posts like this which are personal and heartfelt.
I'm glad you like my blog and maybe I'll see you again at Secrets
Love kat x