Secrets of a Butterfly

We cannot be apart from Love

 

Love is us, it is our essence. 
There is nothing that is not Love. 
It only appears so,
to a human mind that believes the possibility
of being apart from all that is. 
That has a notion of sides, of dark light,
love hate, peace war -
and yet there is no such divisions.
There is only one whole,
one love, one light, one peacefulness.

We cannot be apart from Love.
It is everywhere present.
It is the very stuff from which all life is formed
and the very air that all life breathes and shares.

There is no darkness that can overcome the light of Love.
No trouble that the light of Love cannot ease.
No mountain that the strength of love cannot surmount.
 
It is is in reflecting on Love,
that we remember its true nature as our own. 
And then, all we want to do,
is be that love, and share that love.
To honour and be that,
which is the truest expression of our Self.

 - kathryn

my writing here is inspired by the sufi poet Rumi and the book A course in Miracles, i wish to say a thank you for the guidance, light and upliftment they have brought me over the years.

A moment's pause

I haven't been writing here as much, at least I haven't done a post that's been about healing for a while.

I haven't felt as in that zone. To write in that way I have to really be in a certain heart space.

Same for making the enchanted wood posts, where something in nature seems to have a message to tell me through the images I find to share.

I miss those posts. But I also know that you can't force what's not there. It's better to go with what is speaking to you at the time and post on that.

************

Today I have my writing feeling, and so I'm seeing what I need to reflect on....

As far as where I'm at in my personal healing, this spell, isn't through to a point where I can summarise, or talk about it. I'm still feeling my way.

My words for the year, that I kept in my heart, were allowing and unfolding.

Allowing what is to be, it's about practising non resistance to what is (a Zen Buddhism principle and one that is reflected in nature through water- which always takes the path of least resistance round stones for example in a river) and unfolding being about a heart centred allowing of what needs to unfold,to do so,as much without fear as possible,in the moment to moment.

And so I find myself hopeful for spring the way a crocus is hopeful for warming sunlight! That there may be better times to come for me. Times outdoors in the greenery and the fresh air, once its warmer than it is at present.

I am still weary, after a bad winter and a few tougher years of illness. But after so many years i am wise to the necessary cycle of these things. My trust in the process, is still intact. And that is no small thing. I see as i write that i am grateful to myself for the trust I have. I also see the benefit of stopping and praising myself for these little unnoticed strengths that really aren't so little

Somehow despite the buffering and battering the desire to live a simple heartful life with a bit more energy than at present, is still there & my hearts compass, though it may not know exactly the length of time it'll take, is pointing me in the right direction for each step.

That is all I can ask.

Wishes & love, kat

(the top image is by neon.tambourine at Flickr, click the image to go through to original)

Oh and I have the Blogsy App on my iPad, now they are set up for typepad. For many reasons, the ipad is much easier for me to use, and i find alot of my inspiring images and websites through it these days. What caused problems was then having to transfer, or be strong enough to get on the computer in order to post them here at Secrets. I really wanted a way to use the iPad to post directly and make things easier to share, x

 

I find love in a hopeless place

 

- I find love in a hopeless place -

Where do you turn when you feel down, when hope is needed, when your reserves are low, your spirit in need of a nourishment?
When your love of life is lacking...is there a book, a person,or a place that brings you comfort?
A thought or an outlook that keeps you strong, when maybe all around you feels hopeless.

 Rhianna's lyrics to her latest track, set me wondering about hope -
and how we find it through having love to hold to, when living in a harsh reality.
Or, as Oriah Mountain Dreamer puts it in her famous poem, "what sustains you from the inside when everything else falls away?"
 
It always seems to me that the news focuses on what we have to fear, and what it is that will get worse. Instead of helping us to see where we're going right and what we can hold onto to help us make it through to something better. Its when things are bad that your attitude, your focus of attention and your beliefs, matter the most.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

 At times lately I've been feeling so much sadness in my heart, sometimes I wonder, how its all contained there without breaking.
To express helps, but just as i cannot always cry when i need it, i also cannot always find a way to write about what I'm going through either.
It isn't always possible to sum something up and place it in the context of a post.
But the past few days i wrote some things down - to do with both finding hope and feeling hopeless, here's some of what i have been feeling.......

There are times I'm happy and things I'm so thankful about and that is what keeps me going. There are things I'm sad about and things i'm very worried about, and at times it all feels so hopeless. But mostly, i try not to let my mind think much on that, i stay as much as possible in the moment and the day to day, so that i don't feel too overwhelmed.

 I try to keep a balance in all of this and not be hard on myself if things arent the way i'd hoped. I have a habit of believing that all things within healing are possible, that in itself is how i keep hope but sometimes that means I have high expectations on myself and that can feel like pressure.

I have to both believe in my abilities and my hopes for a well future and yet not allow that to become too great a feat to achieve. I also need to be careful not to feel I'm letting people down or that I'm not letting any feelings of not being good enough drain me. Hope is a strange thing in that you can have too much of it, and that can lead to disappointment and yet too little and that too is not a good place from which to live.

Having hope as i see it, goes hand in hand with believing in yourself - and that is something so multi layered, that it stretches across many areas of your life. So to, believing in there being a reason to everything you're experiencing. Sometimes I need to remember though that despite all the supportive beliefs, and the hope, its ok to feel my feelings about the harsh reality and get upset about the despair of making steps forward only to be knocked down again. It can feel like bullying, it can feel so very hurtful and yet you have to pick yourself up carry on, seek the goodness.
So feel feelings, cry, feel down, but always take from the day the best of it, make a way that is as full of light as you can and be yourself in as many small ways as you can.

I share - I read - I continue to hope
I give - I receive - I continue to believe
I find - I feel - I continue to heal

I see as i'm writing, that I need to stop and appreciate myself, appreciate that though some outlooks feel like a necessity, they are still a choice that i make.
And that it takes courage to make those choices, to continue to believe and be optimistic and to feel the world as a good place to be.

 What would life be worth, if we didn't have love.
That to me is where hope springs from, that's what nourishes it.
The choices I've made in my outlook, in the healing I've journeyed through,
they've all brought me to where I am today.
Nothing, no moment of it, is ever wasted.
But none of it, none at all, would ever have been bearable without Love.

 My life is in my hands to an extent, but it is also about something greater than myself
of which I'm an inseparable part - Love.
Sensing this can either make us feel scared or supported, depending on our deeper belief in life.
I do my part and I trust in the timing and unfolding of the rest.
I trust it to Love.
In this I feel much less pressure and much less, like its down to me alone.
As this year closes, I am in a stronger position, I'm wiser, I'm more grounded
 and I'm still as in need of "a life more lived" as I ever have been.

                                            *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

 We carry within our hearts a great love, a compassionate presence
that encompasses us and is within everything.
I think it's that part of me, that supports me, that cherishes me and that makes it all possible. When i am quiet and still, and when i go within my deeper heart, i feel it... thats where the hope comes from, because it's where it was never lost.
If I'm in touch with that place in my self, then it communicates to me without words - that it is all alright, that I can trust, that I am safe and that it's somehow right to believe in dreams, in better times becoming real.

That's what dries tears.
That's how I find Love in a hopeless place. Or how it finds me.

Love Kathryn

Broken wings, yearning to fly

 

"While we learn what we learn here, who knows just what we may teach.
When we share what we share here, who knows just the heart we'll reach" - kat

 

"Reaching out to strangers is the strangest thing, hearing back from friends, is a gift that courage can bring" - kat

I am a free spirit yet i have lived half my life as a caged bird

broken wings, yearning to fly

reaching up to the sky, asking why?

if i can ever say anything to one in such a place as myself

i say never let your soul die, even if certain cherished dreams die, along the way

maybe they are not the dreams your heart needs most...

and maybe those are the ones that are still there waiting to come true.

 

Find other ways to fly, find ways to hold on while you let go

find ways to be your self while you cannot be anything in the world.

It is not the challenges that we need to fight, it is not ourselves or the illness in our body either.

 

It is peace we need, and if its peace we seek, then peace shall come.

It is possible, when we are entirely prevented from being a part of life to realise that life is entirely a part of us.

 

And maybe somehow your soul is still guiding you even if the road youre on is completely unseen.

You know, your soul has eyes that can still see, trust in its direction.

 

Many blessings on your journey wherever that may be on our little planet called earth, however steep the climb or rough the terrain, i truly believe your life and mine is a journey with purpose,

photo credits...

top collage -  scrapbook page by wild goose chase
 wrapped gifts by lobster and swan
 girl with cup by look left and look right

middle collage-  gifts by heather bullard
 frames on wall by lobster and swan,
window pane by fryd and design

last collage - wrapped gifts by heather bullard,
mantel piece by lobster and swan,
girl by look left and look right 

Truly following my heart

People sometimes ask me why i blog, and if i were to answer truthfully it would be to say...it is to keep my heart going, and my spirits strong, it is to put my attention on finding what i love, learning as i go and sharing what i find inspiring, in the hope that it inspires others, and that in turn more comes to inspire me.

For inspiration to me is as important as any breath. It is the melody played within the secret rooms of my heart.

I am not living a full life, by any means, i am often in bed,(though not entirely like i once was) and can be so exhausted, in the midst of healing a great many aspects, that i can't put into words here. But maybe which these photos i took today can convey.

Most days, it takes my energy to get up or wash. I live with my parents even though i am in my thrities... inside an independant and social butterfly, i rarely see other people and i havent been getting out in the larger world for a long time.

If i focus on the sad aspects of my life it brings me down, i would be overwhelmed with what i can't do or haven't done. Here my family and friends and my blog and online connections support me. And before that there were other things that i used to sustain me and help me to cope.

My life, i think of - as full of love and goodness, not because it is obvious at first glance, but because i really look for it and choose to see it.
I seek as much as possible to choose love over fear. I love life, despite everything i live through, my little heart just can't seem to help it.
There is too much good to ignore, there is too much that speaks to my heart and says "look i am shinning, i am full of light and hopefulness and kindness...and you know what, you are too"

I am so very open to healing in all ways and to my life becoming more full of happy times. I believe in all possibilites for my future. But i also need to live in the moment and I seek beauty when i can. I took these photos throughout my post, with my phone lately.

Healing throws up so many questions. But life i've come to see, is about balance, some things we control somethings we don't. Its not always too obvious how much of our life's circumstances we each can consciously direct.
Some say it all, some say none at all. For me its a bit of both. But we can definately make conscious choices about what we think and feel about it all. And maybe that defines us far more than we at first realise, and shapes our destinies beyond just the ordinary reality of daily living.

In navigating a path for myself, i have found the only way to tell if your on track or not is to forget outer appearances, or the fears of the ego, or even what a lot of well meaning books try to tell you and concentrate instead on your heart.

When i was so so very ill that even turning over in bed was impossible, all i could do was think a little, and feel internally. And in that time i used to just surrender and go into my heart. I would place my attention there and just sense the energy. Ask for support, for healing, for guidance and then not be attached to how or when that help would come. And i still rely on that now.

There would be no flash, no angelic appearance, but subtly and slowly in insignificant often everday moments, that help would come and over time the sensing of that "backup" and of not being in this alone, came to mean more and more to me.

I came to depend on what my heart was feeling and what felt right and i learnt that intuition is far more than just a gut reaction.
It truly is something that you can live your life by.

Like a compass. Your heart has a true north and it'll take you where you need to go if you have time to let it.

So all this brings me back to today and the reason i share the photos. I wanted to give a glimpse into how things are for me, some of the time. To share in some way what i am going through, the ups and downs along the path. And let you see how and why, the blogging i do and the friends i make are so important to me in my little corner of the world.

Isolation, is not easy, the internet and interaction with friends is invaluable.

Illness and the healing we undertake, can also not be as easy as we'd hope.
Though important to be optimistic,and rely on a strength from within, human willpower or positive thinking is not the only healing thing you need. There are far more wide reaching elements that you end up developing when living through a severe long term illness.

The greatest things I have needed, are compassion for myself, giving up any judgements that society teaches you to apply to yourself dependant on looks or career or how much you have, an acceptance of what is, while remaining open to greater possibilities of a better future - and a constant need for being in the moment -to lessen becoming overwhelmed either by how absolutely bad you feel that day, or at the enormity of just how far you need to go to regain any real health, physical strength and independance.

And last a growing belief that strengthens over time, that there is nothing that happens without reason - even the big stuff - well, especially the big stuff! & that everything is working on my side. That i am part of a universe that is much bigger than just me, and yet it still cares and loves me. Without this, felt true in my own heart, i simply do not know how i would carry on.

See, things arent always as they seem, times here have been, and can be, extremely tough going. But when youre not dwelling on that, it can lead others to presume your fine, when maybe you're not. Sometimes its important to honour what you're like and i think that's what this post is about today,i just felt like it needed to be written.

So if there were one thing i would say to anyone in times of extreme suffering of whatever guise, it would be - turn to your heart, surrender resistance to the moment & trust as much as you can, be open as much as you can, and you may find something that just begins to make sense of it all for you...and then its a bit like a trail of breadcrumps, just follow, and be with that one step, try not to look ahead. Trust in the path unfolding as and when you need it. It may be a long path, we can't always tell, so never judge yourself if it takes longer than you 'think it should' ok.

I say these things to you sincerely, you'll know if you need to hear them. i know i need to hear them, that is why they are falling onto the page...
bless you on your journey, and let your heart lead the way

Finding the beautiful

 

I am a spiritual traveller, i traverse worlds of insight and knowledge, collecting the beautiful and treasuring the Earth's gifts. I somehow find, i am always where i need to be on this journey of the heart

I was going to go into the Enchanted wood to see what i could find to share with you this weekend. As regular readers know i often post the Wood photos i find on a weekend.

But to be honest i'm feeling sad and a bit low in spirits today after a rough night and a kind of up and down week in general. Spirits raised spirits dashed, that sort of thing.

So i needed to find a few images that spoke to me in a different way and collect them together. Finding the beautiful and sharing my feelings here, in order to bring a balm to my heart. ( and using my essence sprays too)

We can connect through expressing the reality of our inner feelings and find we still are accepted in a warm embrace. 

Wherever we are in the journey and however we may feel, this blog is a space for all, whether that be insecurities, confidences, realities or dreams....

We navigate many different worlds within a day and need not judge ourselves any the less for feeling overwhelmed than for when we feel on top of the world - i needed to remember this today.

Love YOU lots lovely friends readers and new followers - thank you for helping me to find new ways of expressing in the world, a new sense of purpose even within the tougher moments,  for listening and valuing what i have to say here and for commenting with care,

image sources: Artwork by MaeChavrette on etsy and girl photos (i havent an original source? please comment if you know it) but i found them via California Closet

Unicorn dreaming

The new issue of Unicorn Dream magazine is now online... full of dreams, loves, interviews, writing and beautiful photography, all brought together so dreamily by Noni

This is a quote on one of the pages that i liked...

Since it first began i have really liked the features and everything about this independant online magazine. Its overall feel is very me, so i always hoped to be a part of it in some small way. So i was thrilled to find this week that my poem was included on page 30/31!

"Her way of Navigation" is a poem i wrote from my heart on a day when the words it spoke to me were particularly clear. Sometimes i can't always hear what is in my heart as strongly as this, or hear it through language at least. This day was different and what came out into written words ended up holding much significance for me and what i have been through in my life. Yet i think it can apply to lots of different people and their own experiences also. It was another healing step, to both write and share it.

If you'd like to read my piece of writing, then you can click this photo to bring the the text up larger, or you visit the magazine in full here.
with love and dreams

Secret Inspirations - Follow that which you love

These are the secrets i hold dear.
The secrets that keep me strong, that keep me inspired.

(by sophiee's world)

(by Gingerlillytea)

(by coco sunday)

(by our lovely Eadaoin)

(photo: my own)

Do all you can to gather inspiration.
It adds something magical to an ordinary day.
It's as simple as following that which you love.

And remember, your heart will always help you find your way.
Love

(originally posted as part of a guest series i took part in at Eadaoin's blog City of blackbirds)
sources for images in the collage

We are good enough for who we are

Lots of people aim to make changes in January.
But, is it the best time for resolutions or reinventions i wonder.
(image by Luisamohle)

Out my window, nature is still dormant. Quite happy in it's stillness as if contemplating and dreaming. Life there is not taking action or forcing growth forwards. Not yet, at least. The conditions are not right and nature knows it.

by Elena

If we tune into our own rhythms, what are they saying?
what are they telling us to wait for, or put in place during this winter season before changes can come along more easily.. ( if you live in the Southern hemisphere chances are your rythmns will be different and you will be in a different space)
Maybe we need to just relax after Christmas. Allow a little space to breathe.

by Brooke Pennington

As far as goal setting or attaining goes... we can tend to want to want to stick to rules or regimented ideas of what we feel we should be doing. Sometimes these ideals are based on what other people say we should be like.
Then in pursuit of this ideal way of feeling, we seek to reach the goal, and complete it as quickly as possible, Maybe to feel happier, or to feel good about ourselves, to increase our self worth through accomplishing something.

But life doesn't always work out like that,
"Life tends, more often than not, to be what is happening while we're busy making those plans"

Across the course of a year, things can change, we may need to bend and ebb and flow with how things go. Do we feel ok with that, can we be flexible?
And if we fail to meet our goals, how will we feel?
Will our happiness depend on them, will our worth depend on them? and even if our first answer to this is no, how will we really feel in the parts of ourselves that lie deeper, quieter, and perhaps are a little more sensitive to having let us down.

by Anna Inghardt

Goal setting as a motivation is helpful. The problems arise with how we feel if they arent held to, or attained. We need to be careful that we don't take it as meaning WE are failures, if we fail to achieve what we aimed for.

Accomplishment is fulfilling. Depending on achievements, to enable us to feel self worth, is far less benefitial.

We need to have self worth, and a sense of being good enough, and loved, just for who we are, not have it depend on what we do, or how much we achieve.

by Emma del Rey

Baring these reflections in mind, i find if i look at the year ahead, i am more tempted to just live in the present. To keep a certain idea of hopes and dreams, to have my visulisation boards, but to not make lists, and to feel no pressure of "i should be's" and just be open and kind to myself.
love

Turning into Light

1. A study in French - Circles, 2. 331/365: If I only had a heart, 3. nightingale, 4. Turning into the light

Pieces of inspiration: Turning into light

 she slipped through the shadows and the light she had previously seen only as a flicker, became brighter as she neared the edge, she felt as if a million hearts surrounded her, she could see her own breath in the night air and it merged with the breath of the trees, she could hear their wisdom and feel them urging her on. why she had felt alone prior to this she could not understand now, for it seemed as if every element, every piece of life was animated by the same feeling that she had, somehow she was bringing everything back to one.

(by kathryn)