Secrets of a Butterfly

Handmade items to give and to treasure

I have revamped my etsy shop, its something i have been wanting to do for ages now, and i'm pleased to say i am well on the way to stocking it with some of the items i've been making. i did this mosaic on big huge labs to showcase my range. Most of the pieces have a french vibe, with eiffel towers and old vintage postcard images featuring. Along with the wording you know i love so much like, 'wish upon a star' or 'believe'.

Do you like my new business card? Mandy of Belle and boo did it for me! i am very honored as the butterfly and meadow feel is just what i wanted. I sent her some star jasmine as she has been such a star to me.There's new things coming from Belle and boo too soon,so watch out for them.here's a sneaky peek at the new website front page!! i love swings in the trees and this was one of my favourite moments on holiday last year.... it would'nt seem much to many people,and may even seem too young a thing to do to others, but to me - the sense of freedom was amazing after many years ill in bed, in one room. To be out in nature surrounded by the birds song and to hear the branches and leaves of the tree and feel the wind against my face was an experience both of freedom and of fun, both of which were almost entirely absent for a long long time. i havent come across another tree swing as yet,but if i do, i hope to go on it.

One thing i have come to appreciate is to be in and to live each moment as much as i can,i did this even before i had much of an' out an about' life to lead,and it still supports me now. Also i must never hold back, worrying what others might think of me. Its my life, and as much as i can, i want to live it in my way. Maybe there will be a swing near Windermere this time,(in a different area of the Lake District) where we are going at the end of June-lets hope so ( ;

love and butterflies kat xxx

Self portrait challenge 'Finding my grace'

I love Erica's flickr photos so much, her use of light and how she's always capturing the true spirit of her little girl, is amazing.Her photos are more than just the image they speak to you and have a message almost. Like if you listen hard enough when you look at them you can hear the whispers of your own carefree inner child coming through,saying 'i'm like that too,i still want to dance barefoot in a frilly skirt or feel the wet grass beneath my feet, can we have some fun like that again like we did long ago, i miss it'......

Lately i visited her blog Bits n pieces of a happy life and found there that she is doing the Self portrait challenge. It looks a really good idea and i had a go today with doing my own version.here's what it says on the site......

The aim of this site is to create a community - an online community of people participating in a continuous artistic self-expressive art project.

To give a voice to those who want to speak

To encourage self-analysis and self-expression and self-exploration in people who would normally not be able to or don’t have a venue or audience for such.

To encourage people to challenge their personal boundaries

To free up inhibitions and allow that inner hidden something to be occasionally seen.

I'm deciding whether to join the group as its an on-going commitment. I think it has taught me alot about myself, taking my own picture though. I found it harder than i expected to get any soul into the photo,compared to when a loved one takes it and you are smiling at them rather than just a lense of a camera carefully balanced upon a shelf! But anyway i gota a couple of good ones that i'm happy with, and which once cropped down,have avoided any clutter strewn about around me!! Cause my room isnt as tidy as it can appear ( :

In naming this post i wasnt sure where to start,then i thought about the picture of me and how it is gentle and soft and yet how i know i am strong in side too,the two sides of the same coin. i feel that sums up the word grace to me a gentle strength, the source of which is Spirit ,personal to each of us.

To move with life rather than against it we have to find that grace inside ourselves,where there is a balance of soft yielding-ness and strong determination.Its that place where our human and divine selves meld and are one in the same. Grace comes from that part of us that is so often hidden, it is where beauty resides, not the kind of beauty the media and society seem to push upon us, a beauty that has to be flawless and ageless on the outside, but the kind of beauty that is in us because of the true nature of our soul, the beauty that comes through us and shines. The kind as a child we had naturally and effortlessly and that erica's photography captures and reflects back to us.

We long to connect with ourselves, there is a part in us all that wants to be seen as beautiful. not that we have to be perfect before we accept that we do have beauty.  Beauty is everywhere we can wake up and see it in our own eyes and when we do we soar.

Its an ongoing process of course, but when we see into our own eyes after taking the photos we have to recognise we deserve our own blessing, just the same way that we would bless anyone else. We are no different. I'm learning not to hold back on that blessing and to shine is to be strong not vulnerable.this is my lesson, what's yours? maybe you see it when you look into your eyes? love kat x

Through the sunshine and the rain

I am feeling a bit low inside today,i just feel heavy hearted and sad,but am unsure if my heart is seeking to clear past pain(to feel it is to heal it)or future fears.Both of which there are alot of. Either way i am working through it and know that there is a reason for my feeling like this. It effects my energy levels to feel this way. Sometimes there are these days or spells within the process so i am not worried long term, i just feel i wanted to share it. Sometimes we can only share the good stuff in our blogs and that does'nt always give a balanced view of our lives does it.We have a habit of looking into each others lives and imagining everything is rosy don't we,and that we are the only ones who are feeling otherwise every now and then.When really we know the truth is the opposite. I don't seek sympathy though as i don't think that helps,i usually have close people to talk with, but on this occasion i just thought i'd say, because this is a place where there is understanding and compassion and i felt i could and i felt maybe it'd mean we feel more 'realness' between each other. Cause life isnt all the good days and thats what real friendship is about. The sunshine and the rain.

We all have our ups and downs, we are all working upon something in our own heads, hearts and lives and often that can take all our attention day to day can't it.but at other times we can, to various degrees, imagine what another is going through. Its just sometimes we choose not to and instead cut off from anyone in pain and maybe thats because it brings our own pain closer to the surface when we engage. If you know someone who is very ill, especially if its a long term thing, the best thing you can offer aside from practical support like a meal or washing now and then,is to sit with them. To just sit and not have any need to fill the silence,just to offer company, thats what would help them most. it sounds like nothing but it will mean everything. When you're v ill you cant give out so much and you can't always converse but that doesnt mean you don't want someone there to help you feel less alone. We all need that connectedness deep down,(thats why we blog of course)but its magnified in times of trouble.

I just thought i would share that because i know from reading magazines and things that sometimes loved ones and friends, they want to offer support but don't know how, so they stay away. Alot like what happens when someone is in grief,serious ill health is a tricky path to negotiate for all touched by it. I can appreciate that its not always clear whether you would be intruding,so on the off chance that you know someone very ill young or old, and are reading this, thats why i share. to give the point of view of what would have helped me. to have a hand to hold and a prescence there, is a great gift you can offer and it costs nothing. As always thankyou for listening and i promise a more lighthearted entry soon,hopefully very soon girls....k x

Unconditional Love

Hello my lovelies,i have been a bit quiet as i have a bad throat over the week and am achey.Thankyou for the wonderful words on my knitting it is almost done but has had to wait an extra wee while till i can feel better to finish it off.i have been up today gently but am not sure how it will progress as doesnt seem to be just a cold. Still there is at least time to feel better before next week. I have found i've been thinking back over my life as a whole picture these past few weeks, thinking about how different things turned out and developed the way they did. Its been quite a powerful time for me as sometimes does occur around this time of year. whether because of my birthday and the alignment of the stars in relation to that,or because of the influx of hope we all feel as a new year begins afresh, i'm not sure. But i have often found changes take place in my perspective on things during January's.

I was looking back through some older journals and found this little picture of myself and wanted to include it in this post as much for myself as for anything, i just want to get a sense of who i am being all of the facets and all of the ages,from the little kathryn here, right through my childhood,into a teenager and then into first being ill and then the years of trying various ways to heal and all the soul searching and seeking answers,into the more poorly time when things were very hard and i felt almost forgotten in terms of help,into the stage where i learnt LP and Eft and the assistance and changes it gave me, and then into now where i am learning more about my self in terms of how internal love and praise are important to our health and healing.

How can i help myself even further to feel safe and fear less i wonder.. and above all how my first thoughts about love being the answer whatever our question, has turned out for me, to be the truth. taking that simple phrase and expanding on its meaning to us, it can be such a light and enables me to gain further understanding in how to change things how to make them easier in my life,and how to feel better.        I've always thought of myself as loving myself but i'm seeing now with stronger clarity just how important it is. my own unconditional love is very much what i need and that by giving myself assurance of that being there no matter what, then i relax and feel safe and feel no fear of internal or external judgements or withholding of approval, nor any pressure to be a certain way in order to recieve love and acceptance for who i am. all facets of me,all ages of me,feel free of fear,to just be me.

i think alot of people probably feel external pressure whether to be a certain way in their job or in their family,or for their weight or clothes to be a certain way, before they feel they are then acceptable and lovable, and this builds up a tremendous amount of internal stress in us, that comes out in our lives in various ways. sometimes we run these beliefs about ourselves not being good enough unless we...or we.... and we don't even realise its going on inside us.sometimes we even feel more judged by those around us than we do by ourselves. yet alot of the time it starts within first.

its so previlent, but its changeable too. i dont know why i have typed this today..well maybe i do, its because i decided in a way to do this post for myself and to remind myself of where i'm at and what i'm working with at the moment and out came my thoughts onto the page, now i'm unsure whether to upload it or not. because its personal and in a way because its just words and they can only say so much. Its my inner thinking and that isnt always what other people need to read is it..but maybe its where you're at too and maybe its meant to be that i help myself by doing this today so i will be brave and post!and i will thankyou for your dear and kind listening hearts as you read it.

Just before i go,here i am with my brother. ..i like the way the light falls across this picture as it comes through the trees behind us.alot goes on in our little hearts and minds when we're this age doesnt it,some of which is so carefree and some of which is forming our beliefs and thoughts about ourselves and life around us, that lasts for a long time after.I feel warmed looking at us here, i loved my childhood i have so many happy memories.Each day can be as fun i remind myself now,not to look too far ahead and to live in the moment like we somehow do naturally when we're younger and to remember as i look at this type of photo of myself that i am fine just as i am and that i love me just for being me,no pressures!....love kat x

.

Black and white memories

Hello all, just a late night chat as i felt like talking to you before going upstairs...here's a card i did recently to send my congratulations to Kate at Have to Love because she won The Drapers award for best newcomer(fashion boutique). Its a well known award ceremony within the industry and is national so she did amazing to win it!

(Kate takes my cards to sell).

My mam has been using a scanner to scan in some old family photos of my dad's which we have to give back to his sister soon. I am hoping to them make up an album on Snapfish. i thought i'd share one or two here...isnt this a cute baby snap of my auntie! let me see if i can find one of my dad... yes here's one in his high chair...and one a bit later..

they're so sweet, there's something about old black and white photos isnt there, they carry such a special-ness.i don't know why maybe its giving us that sense of our personal history and linking us to our family in the past.We don't use black and white nowadays, so in some ways you'd think nobody must think very much of that medium or hold it dear and thats why its faded from common use. Don't you think sometimes technology rushes so far ahead and we forget about the reasons why we loved the earlier ways of recording memories,in our hast to keep up to date. There's probably a place for both of course.Its a bit like how we all use digital cameras and so have our photos on the computer and never get to browse an album unless we keep remembering to get prints off.The digital way gives us so many benefits and scope to share our photos online and yet if we forget to have those photographs as hard copies like we always used to,we can lose that relaxing side of looking at them regularly in a book.

i think i'll finish with one of my dad's parents,my grandparents.they would have been aged 93(Nanna who passed in 1992)  and  98(Granda who passed this week in 1980 ) now. I miss them especially round christmas time. love at christmas to you nanna and granda love k

i am over the moon

I am over the moon with my new banner its so me! i have the lovely Julie to give a massive thankyou to for all her beautiful handy work.Its something i have wanted for ages but hand not a clue where to start and dont have the software to digitally manipulate images.The same goes for my one on esty,wher i hope to upload some treasures to sell very soon. here's some i've been working on

i've been enjoying some quieter time abou the house lately so have turned my hand to a few different types of things, i want to have a good assortment on my etsy a bit like you'd find in a shop. I wasnt so good for a couple of weeks as some of you know but i'm coming back to myself again now. Alot of the recovery process needs to take its own time and sometimes emotional healing can effect my energy or vice versa. I found i needed to take some steps down a gear or two but it was nothing like the old days.

Dad was off work for a week and its been great as the sun hasnt stopped shinning so i had some runs out in the car with him and mam. Although mam drives us about locally her own health difficulties(rheumatoid arthritis from 30) mean she is unable to drive so far and so we tend to save those trips for time with dad. I feel strange talking about my trips out with my parents when other blogs i read are about trips with children or spouse. But then i think about alot of my friends dotted around Britian who are still very ill and unable to go on any trips out at all just like i couldnt for so long, and then i feel grateful all over again for the new turn my life has taken. (comfort parcels i sent annie and emily both very ill girls who need love light and prayers right now and have for a long time...the handmade crochet blankets were from a charity stall in Alnwick and the unique handmade kitten and bunny are fromTiddly winks on Etsy )

And so it doesnt then seem to matter that i am still living at home and spend my time with my parents because at least i have this second chance at life after 15 years away from living this was me Jan 06 and just about able to sit for a quick photo on my birthday also Jan 2006.........and this is me now just over a year into recovering from ME...sitting in an entirely different place. i didnt get out the house for over 10 years so now when i do whether in car,wheelchair or walking a bit i always like to take photos as it means so much!this is a farm shop this week

I always held onto getting better despite the length of time so severely ill and i hold onto other dreams coming about too in time, now that i have this change beginning it is even more likely. Even in the darkest times i just had something inside me that made it seem possible and which i had to hold onto.

"if we have hope we have strength to go on,  but if we have love we have everything ".  i am ever so thankful to have my parents and to get on so well with them.The biggest of all thankyou's goes to them it goes without saying i would not be here today literally without their unconditional love and support and all the caring for me theyve had to do. this was at the lakes in July,oh those mountains, to be back there again!....

As far as my improving health is concerned, I know i have worked at it and it hasnt been just presented to me but at the same time there is a timing to these things and for the way forward to come to me when it did was certainly divinely guided and for that to be gifted to me when it was i am also ever grateful. More grateful than just a few words can convey.

It seems this post has turned into one of great thanks as its theme! i think its because at the back of my mind i have been taking a leaf out of some of my favourite blogs 'books' and decided to be more open and expressive in my writing. to let some of you,dear friends old and new, into more of an insight to my life and what i'm feeling. I think its good for me to write about it more and to get the increased benefit of that. afterall i dont tend to talk that much to people apart from in this way. so i need it. Hopefully it is of interest too,to all of you. But even if i were just typing into thin air it'd still feel like i was chatting to someone, somehow blogs have that ability to end the isolation.Or at least take the edge of it, as you get to make contact with so many nice ordinary people with extraordinary lives,experiences and interets to share with you. So Thankyou to you too, for reading and being a part of my community. Love Kat