Some times i just feel so overwhelmed like i can't go on.
Things to do with being ill all this time.
Some times the feelings that are buried want to be expressed
but how, when life is so limited.... there are so many things i can't do,
I wonder, is there only so long one can dream.
Yet other times my dreams do feel closer
And other times i do feel its just around the next corner that a rainbow will come.
Illness is a hard thing. Healing is a strange thing.
It puts you right into the moment there is no where else to go
It makes you feel your vulnerability, it makes you search for what you believe.
The answers do come, change does come.
i have felt it, i have seen it, i have lived it.
But those things also slip away again. And have to be regained.
Often without a seeming rhyme or reason.
How many times i have picked myself up and gone on i cannot remember.
I just feel v v tried from keeping surviving and keeping as strong as i can.
I also get sad when i am not myself.
I try to be myself here with you.
But sometimes i am covering how low i really feel.
Maybe thats wrong i don't know.
It'd be nice to have a bit of something joyful, real happiness.
It'd be nice to have the freedom to walk somewhere in the sunshine and leaves.
Do that for me today, if you can....don't ever forget how precious it is.
Love
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